Head held High

i was making lunch today, seemed pretty normal. lunch. make it often. well, today was different. much different.

the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and I know i'll never be the same.

He lifted my head. literally. i felt lighter, immediately. i felt a physical lifting. THEN-my perspective of self and my future completely shifted.

It rushed in like an incredible wave. surrounded me. the tears came. Revelation.

i know i'm called to greatness. this is not a pompous statement. this is not self centered. this is not rude of me to declare. i'm awesome. ;) i am declaring this because the Lord, my creator, made me.it would be pride if I made me. but i didn't. HE DID. i praise him, because he is perfect. He made me to do things that only I CAN DO. no one else. how dare I constantly declare that what he made is "unworthy", "not capable", "not equipped". how dare I listen to these lies. I AM worthy. FULLY CAPABLE. HE HAS EQUIPPED ME!

i'm beginning to remember dreams of my heart. that i've had for many years. That i've pushed away. i know i've lived a life of watching others doing the very things i wish i could do and i immediately tell myself "that will never happen for you", "you can love it, enjoy it, even be able to give people good advice in these areas...but... you won't be the forerunner in them."

are you kidding me? i've told myself that? NO. these are lies.

today, in the kitchen, making lunch--I literally stood there and went "YES. Yes. YES." THIS IS ME! i can do this!

i found myself thinking. holy crap, your dreams are coming true. i'm exuding joy. i can't help it. it bubbles to the surface when i least expect it. i just smile or laugh out of nowhere. i start to think and see endless possibilities and my spirit says "this is it. you're finally you. you've finally healed. you've finally accepted his love. you've finally hungered after the right things. you believe. finally."

HE BRINGS RESTORATION. HE TAKES MY MOURNING AND TURNS IT INTO DANCING.


during worship at Bethel, i feel my body responding to his love. my arms move my whole body engulfed in the whirlwind of his spirit. those of you who know me--dance and grace may not be the first words you would use to describe me. but in HIS SPIRIT-my body just does things I could never imagine. i feel a grace and i want to use my entire being to worship him. that has always been in my heart and in my mind wished that it could be me--the difference--i now declare that it is me! and i can do it!! i'm engaging in the truths of life.

i sit here even now and think:
" i can be loved. i can. wow. me. I-CAN-BE-LOVED!"
i'm actually looking forward to it. i don't have to convince myself. i don't have to make excuses or be tortured by past decisions concerning love. I KNOW REAL LOVE.

i'm learning how to rest. to take time for myself.

i've taken EVERY SINGLE LIE from the enemy, from 'mentors', 'well-meaning people', those who may just not 'get me' , those i may even 'love, ect and trampled them! Iiam not living under that EVER again.

if it's not edifiying, it's not Gospel. i live Gospel and Gospel alone.

The Lord has prophesied so much over me these last 2 years and it's all coming to be. ALL OF IT. I'm dreaming again. DIFFERENCE-I believe it this time. I literally can not contain the joy inside of me as I think of my future! I have all confidence that this is the year. I've been catapulted into my destiny. Not a single thing is going to hold me back.

The missing piece has come to complete me.

As I stand in a church, that teaches you how to think, not WHAT to think. A church, that empowers and always speaks life. A church that takes all of the questions I've ever had and puts into perspective that finally makes sense. Questions i've asked for years and no one had the answers. I'm shocked. This is christianity. NOT RELIGION. No controlling. No condemnation. No rejection. EMPOWERMENT! heal the broken hearted, heal the blind, set captives free!

I have learned so much in one week here. I CAN NOT IMAGINE WHAT 9 MONTHS WILL SHOW ME!

i've found a love greater than life itself!

i'm in love. yeah, you heard me. in love.


thank you Lord.